gave birth to quadruplets yesterday -- a quartet of polyps (who i've named eeny, meeny, minie and moe) that have been residing in my uterus and have been making me a bit unwell this past year. so they had to go, in typical embarrassing and hilarious fashion, like everything else in my funny life.
a couple of things i’ve learned during this particular hospital stay, which i impart to you in the off chance you’ll find yourself in the same position as i am.
1. it is impossible to pee while laying down. it is doubly impossible to pee into a bedpan. it is only with superhuman powers that one can pee in a bedpan while lying down surrounded by people in showercaps and scrubsuits.
2. anesthesia makes you funny. at the start, it feels like a big punch in the arm, then it brings you to a soft fuzzy warm place where it is normal to smile goofily at anyone who comes your way.
3. the rudest way to wake up from an anesthesized sleep is having a catheter yanked out of you (aaaack!) it is the height of rudeness to have a catheter yanked out of you partway, then a pause to explain what is happening, before the damn thing is taken out completely.
4. hospital gowns have a reason why the opening is at the back. it’s to give patients a chance to moon the other patients in the recovery room.
have i grossed you out of your mind yet?
yes? good.
my work here is done. off to more world domination!
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3 comments:
totally wicked...
wahahahaha... lis, this post really made me laugh uncontrollably at my desk. :D
you should go write for foreign sitcoms. =)
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